<?php
include_once("php/include/global.inc");
include_once("$INCLUDE_DIR/theme.inc");
$requri = $_SERVER['REQUEST_URI'];
$title = "[aros-stuff: 404 ("$requri")]";
if(!isset($INDEX)) // we're not included by index.php: we need to echo <html>,<head> &c
{
include_once("$INCLUDE_DIR/init.inc");
?>
<head>
<title><?= $title; ?></title>
<link rel="stylesheet" href="/css/<?= $theme; ?>.css" type="text/css" media="screen" />
<link rel="stylesheet" href="/css/common.css" type="text/css" media="screen" />
</head>
<body style="padding: 4em;">
<?
}
?>
<div class="commonMain">
<div class="commonCaption"><u>404</u> (four-o-four): page not found</div>
<div class="commonContent">
<p>
<strong>"<?= $requri;?>" doesn't seem to exist</strong>.<br />
It probably exists, you must've spelled it wrong
or something. Maybe it used to exist, but we removed it (we're evil, you see). Perhaps it
contained sexually explicit material.
Perhaps aliens abducted (it happens, believe me, I've seen it on the X-Files). Or maybe
a grue ate it, infact you're likely to be eaten by a grue if you keep wandering about in the
dark. Maybe you broke the internet (oh, that happens more often than you think- someone
spells an URL slightly wrong, spills some coffee on a root DNS, pushes a Big Red Button™,
that sort of thing). The Illuminati might've stolen it, they do that a lot. Oh, not as much
as they did at their peak, in the late 19th century, but it happens. Maybe terrorists stole it.
Maybe the NSA took it, because it contained code covered by US Export restricions.
Maybe the ELF are using it
as a part of Operation Mindfuck, or just for the hell of it. Maybe it died of old age. Maybe
it's being held hostage by kidnappers, who are demanding $10.000.000.000 in small, unmarked
bills,
a helicopter, 5 Snickers bars and a bag of potatoes. Maybe it's being used by Anarchists
to bring down an IMF server, maybe it's being used by the IMF to bring down an Anarchist
server. Maybe it legally changed its name to Max Power. Maybe it's out on a coffee break.
Maybe it joined the Rosi-crucians (they will give you back your hope). Maybe it's at a funeral.
Maybe it's in Hollywood, directing Disney/Pixar's new 3D version of Snow White. Maybe it's
at a spa. Maybe it's translating the Ma Wang Tui manuscripts. Maybe it's the ghost writer of an
as yet undisclosed former lover of a former president's former advisor's former mistress's memoirs.
Perhaps it's dodging jury duty. Maybe it's in rehab. Maybe it's joined a cult, and is now
known as "Brother Shamma-lu". Maybe it's the head writer for a new NBC sit-com about
a dysfunctional family of industrial robots. Maybe it's been grounded for swearing. Maybe
it's declared war on the moon, and is now planning an invasion. Maybe it's become a cast member
at SNL. Maybe it's still ranting about how the Simpsons isn't as good as it used to be, and
Matt Groening's links to certain South American drug kingpins; or about how it's glad that
stupid Friends show is finally off the air; or about how much it misses
Seinfeld; or telling anyone who'll listen that Buffy the Vampire Slayer
is the Best Show Ever™.
</p>
<p>
If you're convinced that "<?= $requri; ?>" should exist (ie. someone @
<a href="/">aros-stuff.tk</a> made a mistake, and must
be punished!), please send an e-mail to
<a href="/php/mail.php?w=webmaster">webmaster[at]aros-stuff[dot]tk</a>, containing
the following info:
<div class="indented">
<?
echo "<strong>Date</strong>: ". date("Y/m/d H:i:s") . "<br />\n";
echo "<strong>User Agent</strong>: ". $_SERVER['HTTP_USER_AGENT'] . "<br />\n";
echo "<strong>Request URI</strong>: $requri<br />\n";
?>
</div>
</p>
<p>
<a href="/">Back to <strong>aros-stuff.tk</strong></a>.
</p>
</div>
</div>
<?
if(!isset($INDEX))
{
?>
<div class="bottom" style="text-align: right;">
<? include_once("php/misc/footer.php"); ?>
</div>
</body>
</html>
<?
}
?>
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